Every time a celebrity’s phone is hacked and nude images leak, 10 years are added to the time it will take me to convince my wife to send me some risque camera shots.
Thanks but no thanks internet. In this case, as one door opens, millions more are shut.
At this rate, I’m expecting some smoking hot mobile holodeck pics when we are 98 years old.
It bears repeating.
The trick, you see, is to set the tablet you are using to Chromecast Netflix across the room. This forces you to stand up every 40-60 minutes.
A bank was robbed near my mother’s home. For the past hour, sheriff deputies have been systematically searching her block, with a helicopter over head, searching for the suspects.
Now she’s telling me that the suspects stole bikes from a garage, rode down the street, saw better bikes in another garage, ditched the first stolen bikes, and stole new bikes.
"WTF! This is in the daytime," she said to me in a text.
I told her to stay away from the windows. Cops love shooting people.
PS: As I typed this, she told me that the suspects may have also shot and murdered an armored car driver.
One is very nice, is cheaper, and for all intents and purposes, is the superior apartment on paper.
Two is more expensive, has fewer amenities, but is cool as fuck.