Things you say to your wife on a lazy Saturday

• Me: Society and advertising makes me feel guilty about having a lazy day like this.
• Her: You should absolutely not feel guilty. Society can suck my dick.
• Me: You don't have a dick. Thank god.
• Her: I'll grow a dick--
• Me: If you grow a dick, I swear to god...
• Her: How am I going to grow a dick?
• Me: YOU'RE THE ONE WHO BROUGHT IT UP!